Friday, 9 December 2011

Christmas giveaway: win good manners and hygiene!

OK, here we go - never let it be said that this blog doesn't know how to insult its loyal readership. My thanks today go to two places. First there's Wadworth, the brewery that makes 6X. They failed completely to respond to my subtle hints about sending free beer to bloggers, but more interestingly longer term they've given me a book, "Thoroughly Decent Manners for Men", published in conjunction wih Debrett's.

Liberally illustrated throughout it basically covers the dating game and how not to put your foot in it - but from a distinctly non-blokey angle. Meeting for the first time, stuff not to do on first dates or indeed ever, meeting the parents is all very well; for the more mature male already in a relationship there's stuff on dress codes, the perfect shave, what to expect at the tailor and gym etiquette. It's entertainingly presented and has some rock solid advice. I will tell you how to win this volume, normally priced at £12.50 plus £2 postage from Wadworth, in a mo.


I also have eight sticks of deodorant to give away. Oh yes. My thanks to Pitrok which has sent them to me (well, they're on the way, no doubt held up in the Christmas post but definitely, definitely dispatched). This Crystal deodorant is intended for the quarter of the male population who come out in a rash or get stung by others; it has fewer chemical additives than the usual stuff but is just as effective, says a spokesperson.

So whether you suspect you smell bad or are ill-mannered, this is definitely a competition for you. Entering is very simple:

Every year at this time the radio airwaves fill with the sound of Noddy Holder, Wizzard, Bing Crosby and everyone else who's done a passable Christmas song. Just tell me which are the worst, and why, by commenting on this blog - and tell people you've commented either Facebook or Twitter with a link back to this blog (of course - you knew I wanted more readers!) If the song is particularly bad and on Blip.FM I will inflict it on as many of my Twitter followers as possible. If you have trouble commenting here feel free to Tweet me as GuyClapperton or send a mail to and I'll put it here myself.

I will then send my favourite entrant the book and a stick of deodorant plus seven more entrants will get a stick of deodorant.

Some rules: My decision is final and given the value of the prizes it's probably not going to cause any arguments anyway. I cannot guarantee delivery of any prizes before Christmas. Closing date will be one week from today, let's say 11am on 16 December. Unfortunately I'm able to send prizes only to the UK on grounds of cost (prizes have been given but dispatch will be out of my own pocket), so any international readers are welcome to have some fun with this but will have to spend their own ten quid on the book if they want it.

So, what's the worst Christmas song ever to hit the charts..?


  1. Hands down :
    Have A Cheeky Christmas by The Cheeky Girls
    Lets see who can beat that!

  2. That is indeed pretty

  3. Entry via Twitter has nominated the cast of The Only Way Is Essex singing "Last Christmas" - which is indeed pretty foul. My own nomination would have to be "I'm gonna spend my Christmas With A Dalek" by the Go Gos:

  4. How about the one from About a Boy that let the Hugh Grant character live such a louche lifestyle?

  5. I nominate Cliff Richard's Mistletoe and Wine. Lift music meets schmultzy seasonal sentiment. Aaaaargh!

  6. Either the Frog Chorus (We all stand together) from Paul McCartney or Can't Stop the Cavalry by Jona Lewie. You choose.

  7. It HAS to be the Ronan Keating (from Boyzone) and Moya Brennan (from Clannad) version of Fairytale of New York. It sh*ts all over a genuine classic from a great height and should be banned.

    Stephen - what on earth is wrong with Jona Lewie!?

  8. Hmm...Frog Chorus was a summer song from the Rupert The Bear movie - although Macca re-issued it for Christmas the following year do we count that as a Christmas song? I mean, I hated Wonderful Christmastime too (and I'm a big McCartney fan) but I'm not sure about this.

    And I quite like the Jonah Lewie, but I'm happy to be shouted down.

  9. Nominations from my Facebook account from someone who had difficulty posting here - Grandma We Love You by St. Winifreds, or Grandad by Clive Dunne. The former is a contender!


    Christmas is just around the corner - Barry Manilow

  11. A new nomination - "I'm sending a letter to santa claus to bring daddy safely home to me" by Gracie Fields, again from someone via Facebook...

  12. And via Twitter, "I Saw Mummy Kissing Santa Claus" by Jimmy Boyd, or Twisted Sister or indeed the Jackson Five (three entries, this bloke must want a lot of deodorant)

  13. Mike Oldfield - 'In Dulci Jubilo'. Good musician; Nice carol, but as a combination a lot less than the sum of its parts.

    Dennis Waterman and George Cole - 'What are we going to get her indoors?' Shameless TV cash-in.

    Gary Glitter - 'Another rock and roll Christmas'. Has he actually committed worse offences than this?

    And, by way of balance, I actually quite like and am not nominating:

    Chris Rea - 'A spaceman came travelling'.
    Waitresses - 'Christmas Wrapping'.
    Spitting Image - 'Santa Claus is on the dole'

  14. Disagree about the Oldfield but hey, it's a democracy...

  15. Hi all - winner announced yesterday, could everyone send an address to - Cheeky Girls have 'won' but the donors have been generous enough so that everyone gets a fiver's worth of this posh deodorant as a consolation prize!


I've now opened comments up to 'everybody' - but I'll be moderating, purely to avoid spam and blatantly commercial responses. Comment away - I'll look forward to hearing what you have to say!