Heaven is the first haircut in weeks

A handful of you may be aware that I had minor surgery at the end of April - just the removal of a few cysts from my scalp. It was all supposed to be over very quickly, better in a couple of weeks.

Hah.

We pause here for a quick wallow in self-pity and snarling about stitches and wounds going infectious. Tell you what, let's just put a quick picture in:

That's me, the day before a major stage presentation, a week or so after I was supposed to be 100%. The bandage pinged off during the presentation.

I was not delighted.

Later the head bandage shrunk to a plaster and people kept asking whether I'd been in a fight. Nobody had accused me of looking hard for...actually, no, it's never happened. Until now. Oh, and of course you can't have a hair cut with all this going on.

Yesterday - finally - the plaster came off and I went to the barber. Almost flew. Frankly they could have cut my head off and got a good review.

Towel shave

But I do feel I must recommend all blokes have a hot towel shave every now and then, and if at all possible do it at The Valet in Addiscombe or one of its concessions at local hotels. I had the "Casino Royal" (yes I know the book and film have an 'e' on the end of 'Royale', it's a barber, you think they care?) which costs £45 but honestly, it's worth it.

You start off with a pre-coating of Proraso Eucalyptus undercoat. This refreshes and stimulates the skin, and then they put a hot towel over you. You then get a close shave (or three; the trick they use is to take a little hair off often, which is gentler and less prone to provoking a rash).

There's a clay mask for extra cleaning. There is cleanser. There is a total of five hot towels. Nobody, repeat nobody, is allowed to disturb you during this hour of completely indulgent time.

Then I switched to the other chair for my first haircut in months. I spent £29.50 on a decent re-style, after all that growth it needed it; I asked them to model it on Jose Mourinho, and when they'd picked themselves up off the floor they did their best (Lucky I didn't ask for George Clooney). It looks unusually good - for me anyway:

No doubt I'm biased by this being my first fully de-bandaged day since 30 April, and this being the first picture I've seen of me from that angle without a large visible cyst on the side of my head. But I feel genuinely refreshed, the attention to my wants from the guys at the salon was superb as always and I'd certainly recommend it.

(And yes, good of you to ask, I have indeed lost a little weight).

Hairbond: non-sticky moulder

I don't write much about hair care on this blog but on this occasion I'll make an exception. I'm rather enjoying using Hairbond's Moulder product (thanks for the sample, guys) and will be ordering again when I run out.

Of course you need the right sort of hair. I have mine short and very slightly spiky or roughed, until it gets too long. In the past I've used various gunk, most recently L'Oreal Homme's Clay. They all tend to be a bit sticky and unpleasant - my daughter had run out of hair product once, put a little bit of my stuff on her hand and went "yicch" (she does the same with my shirts, mind you, she's that age).

They're effective, though. Rub a bit in your palm, ruffle it through towel-dried hair and you're done - really easy. The Hairbond stuff works in the same way but feels more like a sort of non-greasy butter; there's no stickiness but it holds the shape nicely. No scent to compete with any aftershave you might want to wear either. I'd recommend this one happily.

Speaking of hair, you might recall I've mentioned my barber, The Valet, a number of times. I'm delighted to confirm that last week they won the South London Business Award for Favourite Business. Huge congrats to all concerned.

Oh, and to the bloke who put a note up on my Facebook page last time I mentioned them criticising me for being rich enough or posh enough to have a personal valet: it's the name of a shop, dipstick.

Baldness and ageing: stop trying to cure us

I've been approached by a PR whose client offers cures for baldness. And I keep seeing adverts for anti-ageing creams and preparations, for men as well as women - it's no longer a single sex thing. So I thought I'd explain why you're not going to see reviews or write-ups about them on this blog.

Flickr: Joelk75

Let me preface this by saying I don't link the pressure young women come under to conform to a particular body shape, usually an unhealthily thin one, to the commercial pressure on middle-aged blokes. We have a walk in the park compared to the harmful stresses some sections of the media put on younger members of the opposite sex.

But there are pressures nonetheless, and I'm going to state my view: ageing and baldness are not illnesses. There is therefore no cure which is either feasible or desirable.

I should qualify that a bit. There are illnesses which can lead to baldness, there are conditions whose cure causes hair loss and of course premature ageing is something which can have medical roots. All of these are grounds for treatment and medical investigation.

But the ordinary ageing process, the reason my hair is changing colour and my skin tone and texture doesn't have the same structure it did 20 years ago, is a perfectly natural thing. It happens to everyone and I refuse to attempt any "cures".

Yes you can take this to extremes. I shave, I get my hair cut and use a bit of hair clay in it, I put clothes on, I have central heating and live with a roof over my head. None of these things are natural, I understand that. But attempting to hold back the changes that come with time is to me a denial of who I am.

And anyway, men trying to reverse the ageing process end up looking stupid. A bit of moisturiser can actually make skin more comfortable and protect it from the sun, but skin tones change with time - the colour fades a bit, like it or not. This is where hair dyes don't help; try to preserve your original colour (no, not your "natural" colour, my natural colour at the moment is dark flecked with grey, I don't have to dye it to get to that) and it no longer matches the rest of you. The colour rarely works, too; check Sir Paul McCartney's barnet. I bow to no-one in my admiration of the ex-Beatle but if he can't look convincing with the money he has at his disposal I suspect it can't be done (a hairdresser once confirmed this to me - to get an even colour they have to strip out any remaining darkness then re-colour the lot, and after a few washes it starts to go orange).

A short while ago I was reading an article by Dame Joan Bakewell in which she said looks don't fade as you get older, they just change. I couldn't agree more. Granted, ageing kills you in the end but it's honestly not a clinical malaise and neither are the alterations it brings.

So you won't be reading about baldness cures on this blog. I'm all for curing illnesses, but I have several bald friends and they're perfectly well, thanks.

Valentine's 7: Skin and hair products

So we're blokes, and on average that means we're not going to do a lot in terms of skincare and hair care. I've already quoted research on how many of us nick our partner's toiletries in the "Men are Useless" entry a couple of weeks back so you know my views on that.

There's a good argument, though, for partners using gift-giving times for something a bit personal, very much like a skin care range or some such thing. I've been trialling the Osmium For Men range and it does what it says on the tube - fine to use, the look of the skin improves and it doesn't shine on you.

Where I have a difficulty is in the "meeting of science and natural products" bit. I'm no scientist as anyone who's ever asked me any scientific questions will attest. However I do wonder about all this obsession with "natural" - when did skin moisturising become a natural thing to do? It's completely artificial. Ingredients in the range include orange, wheat protein, ginger, turmeric - OK, these are natural but I wouldn't want to vouch for whether they're good for skin.

I'm also going to try a range based on Spanish figs. I'll update you when I can; meanwhile I'll be more interested in whether it makes me look any better rather than whether someone thinks it's "natural" to splurge some goo from a tube and spread it on my face.

Brylcreem standard paste

An old brand making its pitch to a younger audience is having none of this "natural" stuff in its marketing. Brylcreem is no longer just the oily "seen the latest edition of Mad Men?" gunk it was - there's paste gunk (which I'm using at the moment and which has happily taken the place of something costing four times as much) for light spiking and shaping, strong gel for hold, wet gel for (duh) a wet look and clay for people wanting a really solid hold.

These are all reasonably priced, starting from under a tenner and they do the job. There's a cricket ball packaging of the standard paste available (pictured) if your loved one wants an idea for a budget Valentine's gift and it's honestly pretty good stuff and has held my hair in place nicely. The only downside I can see, and this really is a matter of personal preference, is the scent. Brylcreem has always had a very distinctive aroma; it's clean and slighly soapy and when the various males of the species started using it in the 1920s (before we'd adopted deodorant as a mainstream occupation, and for all I know soap as well) this would have been a blessed relief. We're now into the era of numerous niffs being available to us in the form of multiple colognes and eaux de toilette; I'd rather have something odourless on my hair to avoid clashing.